Monday, May 26, 2008


Twas a brilliant reunion. We laughed, we cried, we ate a lot of cake and pastry. Now? We are very, extremely, mind numbingly tired. You see, Ruby decided to take this vacation opportunity to stop.sleeping. No shit. Even Goldie is looking at me like, dude, why is she trying to kill us? Can we leave her here?

Saturday, May 24, 2008


I interrupt this calm family vacation to lose my shit because Pumpkin from the Flavor of Love is TOTALLY AT MY FAMILY REUNION because she dates my cousin. She is the girl who SPIT in New York's face at elimination and she is HERE, like playing bingo with my 82 year old aunt. OMFG. This is going to be good.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Happy Weekend

Tomorrow we are off to the big family reunion in Colorado. We are flying with my sister and her kids. And my mom. And everything we own. That is 5 kids 4 and under+5 adults+5:30 in the morning=omfg what were we thinking. David has not met my extended family so that is sort of a big deal. And when I say big deal I mean that I have been freaking out day and night for the past two weeks trying to think of how I am going to handle it when Davey accidentally drops and F-bomb in front of Aunt Della and how I will bring her out the shock induced coma that will surely result.

I sent the girls to daycare for the day so I could shop for some last minute clothes. After cleaning out the Dollar Store for lead coated toys for the kids to suck on during our flight, I bought Tiny T-shirts at Old Navy in size XL and Skinny Capri's at Lane Bryant, because I am complicated.

My trusty laptop will be with me so I can blog my little heart out. Also? Please don't come to my house and rob us while we are gone. Besides, I totally pawned the family jewels for the plane tickets so we don't have anything else you'd want.

Have a great weekend!

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Boobs! Again!

It's been a long time since I talked about my hooters. But since there aren't enough of you, I thought I would reach out to a larger audience. Things are grim in Lactation Station and so I went ahead and Asked Moxie . Man, those ladies know their shit.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Night Out

Last night we went out to celebrate our friend Erica's birthday. Most of us have small children and Thank The Sweet Baby Jesus that one of us has grown children who would rather take care of our kids than swill vodka. We started out at a BBQ joint that also has a full bar and fun music and brought the kids along. That is where our children morphed into BBQ Babies and ate their weight in ribs and beans.

We ended up at our friend Tanya's house and set up the pack and plays while her girls somehow got mine to sleep while I threw back some more wine because, dude, I don't get out much.

Goldie ended up crashing there and when I picked her up this morning I asked her what she ate for breakfast. "Butt Licks," she said. "Breakfast?" I asked. " No, mama. BUTT LICKS." uh, sure. So I later found out that it was BUCKWHEAT that she had eaten. "Golds, it was BUCK-WHEAT, you ate." "I know, mama, I told you I had BUTT LICKS!"

Thursday, May 15, 2008


In our Friday class there are four girls. They are named Daphne, Belle, Goldie and Maxine. It is toddler ballet and not a geriatric water aerobics class as the participants names may have led you to believe.

*I am totally ripping the content of this post from my friend Katy because she doesn't have a blog and it was begging to be shared with the world. Also I am sort of an a-hole friend.

Monday, May 12, 2008

My kleenex runneth over

The sickness and snot and overwhelming sense of woe and despair have resulted in my week not being off to the best start. I set up shop in the doctors office for much of the weekend with Ruby and The Fever. The good news is that the fever is down, the bad news is that she is so pissed off about being sick that she has gone on a nursing strike. Ruby Doobie most definitely DOES NOT want a boobie. Soooooo I have been to see Barb! and her hospital grade pump since mine was not doing a good extraction and feel much better. I don't know if this is the end of the nursing or not. I have complained so much about her not wanting to stop that if she decides to stop I am going to be disappointed. But I'll be free! I guess I just never pictured it ending this way. I had a vision of her coming home at lunchtime in high school for some milky.

Goldie has fluid in her ear and a lot of pain. Also? She is acting like a tiny deaf monster who is unable to hear words like "no, stop and I am going to put you up for adoption."She is spending much of her day in time out, stepping on her sister's hands and trying to make me batshit crazy.

It was just too much to deal with on top of this family tree and work and having a cold myself (thank you Roob) and so my kind and benevolent boss Tami let me off the hook for work this week.

So there you have it. Things are crazy. Send martinis.

Thursday, May 08, 2008


Are you still reading this? For reals? Because I am so crazy these days I done went gone and forgot about this here blog. Also forgot?Correct grammar. Here is a list of things that have been keeping me away from this blog, in no particular order, because that's how I roll:

  • The Effing Family Tree. Here's a tip: If someone ever says "hey, you like to mess around with that new fancy computer type stuff with the keyboard and the thingamagig, why don't you do a family tree for the reunion this year," say hell to the no because what they really mean is "We never liked you very much anyway and would like to see what you look like without any hair after you are done pulling it out."
  • The Teething. OMG, the teething. The crying. The chewing. The screaming. Make like Dick Cheney and shoot me in the face already because this? I cannot take any more.
  • Poop in a Pullup. Because my toddler is trying to make nap time interesting. And when I say interesting, I mean effing sucky.
  • The Fever of Mystery. I think my baby is going to burst into flames.
  • The Reading. I met a really smart woman who is going to let me intern for what could someday be my dream job and because I also don't know anything about said dream career, I have to first read about it. So, yeah. The library. Am mega geek. Please help.
  • The Lazy. But you totally knew that.

Tuesday, May 06, 2008


Before heading off on a walk with our friends, Ruby and her BFF Ani hung out in our new-to-us giant double stroller of untold ginormousness. OMG this thing is huge. I mean, seriously. Ridonkulous.

Thursday, May 01, 2008

Tender Moments Like These....

I was pretty warm yesterday afternoon when I sat down to nurse Roob and I was wearing a tank top. I was so engrossed in my favorite show Dallas (Best show EVAH) and I was so concerned about learning Who Shot JR for the 500th time I have watched that episode, that I didn't notice the little sharp pains at first. That is when I looked down at my little nursling, sucking away and saw her little Vienna sausage fingers wrapped armpit hair.

Spring has sprung. Maybe it is time for a shave.