Warp Speed

I wish that someone had filled me in on how, when my child starts school, my lazy little life would explode into a rythem that includes nasty little surprises such as Waking Up At The Crack of Dawn and Being Busy Until Midnight. If I haven't returned your call in the past month it is because I am either driving someone somewhere, going to a meeting, trying to sit down to work on my, you know.....JOB and make actual dollars that omg NEED, cooking something, juggling daycare, taking someone to the ER or figuring out my coffee pot as there is NO TIME to stop at Starbucks. Really? Have I really gotten too busy for drive-thru coffee? This is taking a major toll on my nap schedule.

Ruby became shockingly ill on Friday. Ridiculously high fever, rash and became lethargic within an hour. I realized while driving as fast as my minivan that I swore I would never drive would go, that I have what it takes to keep small people alive. With the help of many many friends. And coffee. And bi-weekly therapy.

It was always a mystery how moms seemed to have boundless energy and know how to do everything for everyone and I have begun to unlock the secret: They fake it. I am faking it, but I am doing it. Also, I do not shower very often.

The Political Rant Where I Overshare

I really, really need to stop reading polls and electoral maps. The thought of these crazy people running my beloved country for one more day makes my stomach turn. I am tired of the fear mongering over taxes. To me, this is very simple: I am very happy to pay taxes. I want better schools. I want the mentally ill to be safely receiving treatment. I want safe roads and airports. I want everyone to be able to go see a doctor. I want homeless people to have shelter.

My previous (and most likely, future) career centered around working with the least of those in my community. I have an understanding that this system, and the people living in it, are broken. I know the many faces of poverty and what it can do to a child. I know their names. I came to understand that there is a segment of our population that will never be able to take care of themselves due to disability, age or other circumstances. We are all called to take care of them, and to give others the tools to take care of themselves.

Are there actually people out there who are voting with the GOP because there is a vagina on the ticket? Show me a better reason (Note: Do not show me vagina).

Really?

I am a woman, a mother and a Christian. I am voting for Obama.

3x10

It is an exciting year for me and the majority of my friends. We are turning 30. I was so happy yesterday to spend the afternoon with two of my oldest friends celebrating the first of our birthdays that will happen this fall. I watched her blow out the candles on her cake, and for a moment I caught a glimpse of her blowing out 5 candles so many years ago with her big smile and tow head. I think I got her a Barbie that year.

Anyway, there are still several weeks until my big day so don't worry, you have time to shop.

Rethinking the plan

Somewhere between the first day of preschool and last Monday our entire parenting plan fell apart. It sort of crept up on us. Maybe for a long time. But suddenly there we were, living the nightmare that I had sworn since the day I saw two pink lines that I would never live. A three year old was running our house. So we tried time outs. and yelling. and gentle reminders. and time out. AND SCREAMING. And more effing time outs. Did I mention The Screaming? And time outs? And.....all of a sudden I became that woman with a smoke hanging out of her mouth and a skull tattoo in the grocery store yelling: GOLDIE! Get over here right now and I am going to beat yer ass. I mean it this time. OMFG WHERE ARE YOU SUPER NANNY?

No one was happy. So we started talking to people, and reading. We decided that Love and Logic is right for us and just from the few techniques we have tried, Sweet Jesus, the yelling has stopped. My ears are almost ringing in the silence. I am having fun with my toddler, and she is listening! Sometimes!

Classes this week. I hope this keeps working or you will find her posted on Craigslist sometime soon.

First day

Dear Goldie,

Today was your first day of preschool. I don't think that any milestone has been full of as many feelings for me as this one. Watching you walk in with your little backpack stuffed with supplies and crayons almost caused my heart to burst wide open. I think, however, rather than waxing poetic with inadequate generic descriptions about my feelings, I will give you a glimpse of the reality of this transition.

Yesterday was a rough one, Goldie. We drove home from Idaho and you decided to voice your displeasure at riding in the car. For almost eight hours you voiced this displeasure. Your voice? It was loud. The tantrum was so intense that we had to pull over and break our No Wal-Mart Rule to purchase a new car seat that you could not escape from because, well, you kept escaping.
While we were there I thought that I might as well pick up your school supplies. I pretty much remembered the list and had fun picking out items.

When we arrived home I checked the list and saw I had bought some of the wrong things and because no child of mine is going unprepared on the first day of school, I headed back to the Dreaded Walmart to return and re-purchase. This was a mistake. I won't go into the specifics for fear of flashbacks, but I will say that I never pictured myself digging through a return bin at 9:45 pm the night before school started, fighting with other mothers and children for the last glue stick and coming home without pencils because they were out of pencils. Yes. You heard right. Walmart was out of pencils.

This morning went fairly smooth and your teacher later told me that you did great. Things didn't go badly until I went to pick you up and you were so out of it tired that you actually hit me. Bad idea. Then you screamed like a caged animal for over an hour until you finally collapsed and gave in to sleep. Reluctantly.

When you woke up we had a few precious moments to ourselves and you curled up in my lap and told me about your day. Your friends. Even the girl who obviously doesn't like you is, to you, your friend. Please keep your innocence a little while longer, baby. You are growing up fast enough. I'm just holding on tight and trying to enjoy the ride.

Love,

Mama