Done

I don't think it is possible to be this miserable and not be in labor yet. Contractions almost constantly leaving me writhing on the floor......then, nothing for an hour. Pain pain, mind numbing pain.

Poor sweet toddler-girl with the worst diaper rash ever, crying, needing her mama. Clings like a koala and looks like a wild animal trapped in her pain. Mama gives up and lets her go diaper free. Sweet girl pees on hardwoods, mama's slippers and self. Yowsa.

I can't believe I am going to have 2 daughters very soon. How can I have enough love for 2 when my heart bursts with love for my sweet girl? I know it will work out.

My mind is racing. I want this baby out so bad, but I am so afraid of giving birth again I rethink and maybe she can stay in forever. I think that general anesthesia would be great. I just am so afraid of the pain and needles......tearing my ladybits.......but then again, I just want to see her face.

Dear Ruby

Dear Ruby,

I am a little late getting this written down, but at least I am doing it before you arrive. It is 4:00 a.m. and I keep feeling like you are coming soon, but maybe it is just wishful thinking. Growing you inside of me has been an entirely unique experience. I feel so close to you already. I love feeling you kick and squirm (but you could lay of the karate chop to the spleen action already). Daddy and I knew that we wanted to have two little girls and God has blessed us with our wish.

We have big plans for you. Our whole world is devoted to giving you and your sister the best life we can, full of love, family, learning and opportunitys to grow and succeed. As anxious as we are to meet you, I think your big sister is even more excited. Tonight we had dinner with all of your cousins and auntie Andrea, uncle Kaleo and Grandma. She spent the time patting her belly and saying "Bay-bee!!" She shows everyone your room too. You are being blessed with the most amazing daddy in the world. He is the kindest, most gentle and loving man in creation. You should strive to grow up like him.

I make the same promises and have the same hopes for you as I had for your sister before she came into the world. I promise to love you and that every decision we make will be with your best interest at heart. I promise to dedicate myself to not just raising you to be a happy, well-adjusted child, but a happy, well-adjusted adult who will be a good citizen to the world. With that goal in mind, I hope you will trust that every decision we make, is to make sure you have the best life you can. I pray that you will grow up understanding that people are more important than things. That you will know and love your family as your father and I do. That you will know God and realize that there is a greater force guiding your life. I promise to teach you the value of work, and I hope that your first job involves breaking down cardboard. It will be good for you. I promise you that you will never wonder if there will be enough food, shelter, heat or love for you.

I can't wait to see your face. Feel your skin. Smell your hair. I loved you before you were a thought.

Love,

Mama

P.S. while I hope you are brilliant, that doesn't necesarily mean you need to have a big head right now. Mama doesn't like pain.

Getting There

Things have been so busy and scattered lately. Trying to enjoy my last time alone with Goldie, feeling so guilty that she will soon have to share us. I have reached a point where I feel ready. My house is clean (ish), and I am so damned tired I feel like someone is sneaking in sleeping pills to my food!

We have made it to 38 weeks now.....time to come on out now Ruby!!