Tuesday, August 28, 2007

We are about to embark on a monthlong foray into the world of kitchen remodeling. The entire contents of our kitchen need to be emptied, sorted, boxed and stored by Thursday morning. I also have a new job. So what did I do today? I said fuck it and went shopping, dropped my kids at the sitter, swung by the office to drop off work and got busy having the kind of fun you can only appreciate when you have normally have two drooling appendages hanging off of you 24 hours a day and you get them amputated for a morning. I used the time not to get ahead, but to pamper myself.

I went shopping and squeezed my big ass into a few new things then went on to indulge in a mani/pedi and saw my favorite person under 4 feet 5, Phong who does the best French Manicure this side of Paris. I am the only person in all the land it seems that loathes a pedicure. I can't help it, I don't like my feet touched. I actually tell her to just do the nails and ignore the cheese graters that are my heels. After the foot soaking and just as the awkward lower leg massage began, I made a horrific discovery.

Before I share aforementioned discovery, a bit of background info. I am not a very hairy person. My eyebrows, arms and legs all have fine white hair and even though I may have a uni brow, you can't see it unless it's sunny and I live in Oregon so there is only like a 2 minute window where that could happen. I only really have to shave a couple times a summer, but in the past couple of years the hair around my ankles has started to darken and so I have to be careful when I do shave to get that area done well. For those of you rolling your eyes because you are covered in 3 inch long black curly hair all over your body like a gorilla and spend your children's college fund for laser hair removal, know this: My thighs touch. In exchange for this God has seen fit to give me naturally straight teeth and white leg hair. It all works out.

I discovered today that I had not been careful during the last shaving session. There was hair. It was dark. It was long. It was a band of about 2 inches wide. I look like an effing Clydesdale and have been walking around like this all summer long.


Blogger Marxxxcelo Valdes said...

You are a beautiful Girl !

5:01 PM  
Blogger melodyann said...

Indeed you are, oh beautiful hairy beast....

I shave from the knee down every single day... unless it's friday or saturday, and really, who have i got to impress on fridays and saturdays?

the only problem is that I get these single LONG hairs, like half an inch, that stubbornly REFUSE to leave my CANKLES. go figure...

3:29 AM  
Blogger mommy~dearest said...

Um, hello!!! You're married...shaving is totally optional!

I'm with you on the feet thing- I cannot stand anyone to touch my feet. Pedi's are totally out.

6:05 AM  
Anonymous Anthony said...

Ya... but wheres the picture? :) :)

8:27 AM  
Blogger Kian said...

Oh see that is so me! The hair I have on my legs is dark, but sparse, so it's ok. But then, I noticed (the day of the chin hair if you've seen that post) that I had long ass leg hair too! And I thought 'have I been in a coma the past three months?' and then I thought 'no because the nurses would surely shave me up'. So I just chalked it up to every waking (and most of the sleeping) moment being devoted to the care of a nursing medicineball in a onesie that is my 3 month old baby. He doesn't mind if I blame him :)

8:54 AM  
Blogger Lesley said...

I almost peed my pants from laughing so hard! I am truly a hairy beast, it's so not cool. I've tried depilatories, epilady's, shaving and have finally settled on waxing. As long as you don't give in an shave between appointments it's all good because if you do you'll have to go through the horrible growing out phase of about 3 weeks of no shaving and for someone with dark hair every square inch of your legs it totally sucks!
I'm so envious of you!!!
My thighs touch too - where's the justice in that?

12:46 PM  
Blogger Kendra said...

OH my gosh, I had the exact experience with my ankles today, except I was at the gyno having my annual. Wow, our ankles have really let us down :)

1:29 PM  
Anonymous Devo said...

Whenever I need a smile I can leave it to your bodily functions to get me through. Although I don't have the ankle hair I did do a quick double check after reading your note :-) Dev

11:38 AM  
Blogger *~*Cece*~* said...

Good luck with the kitchen remodeling.

I LOVE pedi's but, sadly, don't treat myself to them often enough.

1:53 PM  
Blogger Sabrina said...

I shave all the time because I will become a hairy beast if it don't! Good luck on the kitchen remodel! I'm sure that'll be fun!

6:06 AM  

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