Breaking Up (or teenage totally- not-gay angst at 29)

I was reminded today of a good female friend who, for no reason I can think of, broke up with me a couple years ago. She was one of the closest, most intimate friends I ever had. I am lucky to have a lot of friends, but she was very special to me and I am still so baffled as to what I did wrong. Now, I have definitely had to break up with friends before. Not many times and usually after giving it great thought and consideration and because they were unhealthy for me to be around. It really sucks. To be broken up with that is. In my tiny mind it actually is more painful to be broken up with by a platonic friend than with a lover because a lover generally has to see you every day and is just unwilling to form a pair bond that will pledge a lifetime of service so I kind of get that because really? You should be choosy about who you sleep with. Usually they are even willing to downgrade the relationship to friend status, not that you would ever agree to that.

A friend, however, is making a very strong statement. Whether they use the bold Fuck You approach, where they actually tell you that they are breaking up with you ( Which is not what this particular friend did. Thank God I really didn't like the person who did that to me one time in high school. Bitch. I totally broke up with her first. Am very mature.) or they employ the popular Fade Out technique to which I am partial, what they are saying is that "Dude, I can't even handle having a cup of coffee with you or sending a quarterly how are you doing email. I'm done and I find you personally offensive." Wow. That really hurts.

I find myself thinking of her every now and again and I always get teary remembering all of the fun times and inside jokes we shared. We had history, we had something special. I wonder if she ever thinks of me? I wonder if she knows that her secrets are still safe with me? I like to think that if I ran into her in the world I would just ignore her or act aloof. But really? I think I'd just hug her, beg for forgiveness for whatever it was I did or said and hope that she would call me someday. Because really? I just miss my friend. Am pathetic.