Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Breaking Up (or teenage totally- not-gay angst at 29)

I was reminded today of a good female friend who, for no reason I can think of, broke up with me a couple years ago. She was one of the closest, most intimate friends I ever had. I am lucky to have a lot of friends, but she was very special to me and I am still so baffled as to what I did wrong. Now, I have definitely had to break up with friends before. Not many times and usually after giving it great thought and consideration and because they were unhealthy for me to be around. It really sucks. To be broken up with that is. In my tiny mind it actually is more painful to be broken up with by a platonic friend than with a lover because a lover generally has to see you every day and is just unwilling to form a pair bond that will pledge a lifetime of service so I kind of get that because really? You should be choosy about who you sleep with. Usually they are even willing to downgrade the relationship to friend status, not that you would ever agree to that.

A friend, however, is making a very strong statement. Whether they use the bold Fuck You approach, where they actually tell you that they are breaking up with you ( Which is not what this particular friend did. Thank God I really didn't like the person who did that to me one time in high school. Bitch. I totally broke up with her first. Am very mature.) or they employ the popular Fade Out technique to which I am partial, what they are saying is that "Dude, I can't even handle having a cup of coffee with you or sending a quarterly how are you doing email. I'm done and I find you personally offensive." Wow. That really hurts.

I find myself thinking of her every now and again and I always get teary remembering all of the fun times and inside jokes we shared. We had history, we had something special. I wonder if she ever thinks of me? I wonder if she knows that her secrets are still safe with me? I like to think that if I ran into her in the world I would just ignore her or act aloof. But really? I think I'd just hug her, beg for forgiveness for whatever it was I did or said and hope that she would call me someday. Because really? I just miss my friend. Am pathetic.

9 Comments:

Blogger Amanda said...

I totally understand. I've had the same this happen to me, and it so weird and upsetting, cuz the thing is, you really didn't do anything wrong... I guess those people are just not meant to be in your life.. And, you are probably better off for it, cuz we all know that what goes around comes around. I like your blog by the way:-)

7:30 PM  
Anonymous Anthony said...

Your not thinking about breaking up with me are you?! I am pretty stressed about this now. I knew you werent returing my calls as much and we didnt hang out as often but but... If you were going to do it you didnt have to send out secret incoded blog posts for the world to see AHHHHH!!!! My life is over without P!!!

Are we still on for Sunday?

:)

PS,

Reading all the blog posts in reverse cronological and "reason #7859" is the single funnies thing I have read.. ever. Impossible to have a bad day now...

"How much for a speeding ticket?!!! Okay officer fine, but let me tell you about this blog post from my friend who just secretly brok up with me..."

7:03 AM  
Blogger melodyann said...

I've been the friend who did the Slow Fade plenty of times. I'm not such a very good friend. I have times when I pull inside myself and cannot stand the thoughts of being near enough to another person that they might breathe my air. Or they simply begin to get on my fucking nerves so bad that I begin to feel they don't DESERVE to breathe my air. Never have I had enough guts to tell a friend that I was breaking up. I feel bad about it sometimes, then I remind myself that I always warn potential friends what a horrible shit I am, so they love me at their own risk.

....

Man, I am an ASSHOLE, aren't I?

7:28 PM  
Blogger Jenn said...

Have you "facebooked" her?

Jenn

8:30 PM  
Blogger Kirsten said...

Jenn, I am so out of the loop, what is facebooking? I am lame and am not hep to the young cats any more.

8:53 PM  
Blogger Sabrina said...

Kirsten- don't worry, I broke up with a internet board on Babycenter of about 30 girls. LOL They all hate me now! ;) One is much better than 30! Especially when you read online what they are saying about me. LOL!!

2:08 PM  
Blogger Jenn said...

Facebook is a "socializing" site. So , so many people are on it. You have to make an account but you'll find friends from all stages of your life. It's the new craze.

Jenn

www.facebook.com

6:15 PM  
Blogger Lesley said...

We moved around a lot growing up and I think I got dumped a lot because of it. Even my girlfriends didn't want a long-distance relationship with me, WTF?

It totally sucks getting dumped!

And then comes Facebook where these dumpers all of a sudden want to be my best friend again.

Facebook + friends from high school who forgot to grow up = unneeded and unwanted social drama!

Have a great weekend!

9:48 PM  
Anonymous Ginny said...

The same thing happened to me--happens to a lot of us. I was so torn up about it, I even bought a book about it. I felt bad for, like, 3 solid years. I DO run into her occasionally and have been very mature so far as she feigns interest and says we need to "get together sometime." (She clearly doesn't mean it.) Recently she accidentally called me looking for 'Barb'--my name isn't Barb. She was shocked but managed to talk. Luckily I can laugh about it now, but it was really tough for so long. Sorry you're sad. Sounds like she's missed out.

2:35 PM  

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