Monday, March 31, 2008

Happy Birthday Roob!

The birth story is finally here! One year later! Whatevs, I been kind of busy. More for me than for you, but I suppose you can read it if you want to. It's going to be REALLY long. And not funny. Because it hurt like hell and I hated every second of it. Love the baby, hate the process.I write it because I want to remember. I want to continue the lovely tradition that my mom has of telling me the story of my own birth each year. I also may need to be reminded that I really don't want to do this again. Really.
Here goes:

I had no idea I was pregnant when I took the test. I was going to use an ovulation predictor kit and someone suggested I take a test just to be sure before we started the opk. Two lines. NO WAY. This is, like 3 months before we planned on trying. David is going to kill me. Bahhh. Once we got over the shock like 5 min. later we were super excited.

Pregnancy is not kind to me. I barf. I am nauseous. I am depressed. Horribly, terribly, depressed. There is no escaping the nausea. I need to sleep. I have another baby who needs me. I am literally counting the days. I retreat into myself and stop answering my phone, emails and generally become a hermit. People get worried. I get worried.

About two weeks before my due date I started feeling like she might just fall out at any moment. I was really short of breath and was generally feeling ready to go at any moment. Goldie had come two weeks early so I was hoping, hoping, hoping.

The day I went into labor, my friend Anthony came over with coffee and to keep me company. He very kindly went with me to bring Goldie into the dr. because she had a MAJOR diaper rash that I knew wasn't clearing up and I wanted to get it taken care of before I had the baby. Anthony came with me because I could no longer keep up with a very busy Goldie in the dr.'s office and had contractions when I carried her.

Man, these contractions are starting to hurt.

That night I wanted to get out of the house to distract myself and so we went out to pizza. I remember wondering if this was really labor and feeling sort of strange being in such a public place with so much going on inside. I didn't want to get David excited so I tried to be calm, but I was having pretty hard contractions all through dinner.

We put Goldie to bed and I convinced myself that this was just another false start so just go to bed already. I fell asleep, but was having dreams that I was in pain. David came in to go to bed and I woke up and realized that I really was in pain, and these contractions were 4 min. apart and no joke. We gots to go.

Mom showed up about midnight as I was trying to hastily pack my bag because I hadn't wanted to get my hopes up too early. I must have looked pretty funny because I was sort of wobbling/bouncing around the house stopping for contractions that were frighteningly intense and long.

David made me sit on a towel in the car because he was convinced that my water was going to break . Being the piggish person I am, I made Davey stop to get me a strawberry milkshake before we went to the hospital. What? You know that you totally wish that you had thought of it when they starved your ass for a 12 hour labor.

Every 3 min. now.

When we got to the hospital, things slowed a bit, but I was definitely in labor and they asked me if I wanted to sit in the tub. Sure, why not. Except you have to get naked. And Davey stepped out to get my pillows. And a nurse had to supervise me getting undressed because of the IV. Aww nawws. This was one of those humiliations that you never forget, but the nurse was so kind and I will also never forget that.

Long story short, the tub? Not relaxing. My contractions worsened in there and by the time I got out, I was writhing in pain and begging for an epidural. The only thing I remember about getting the epidural was being so completely miserable that I simply stared into my mothers eyes who was sitting across the room and wept as softly as I could so that the needle would find the right spot. At first it was heavenly, everything was great and I caught several hours sleep. Then two things happened. First, I was deemed to not be progressing fast enough so they gave me pitocin, then they broke my water. The instant that my water broke, the pain started. But only on one side. I thought I would die. They came to fix the epidural, moved me from side to side, but the pain continued. One half was in no pain, the other was experiencing pitocin induced horrific contractions every minute. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE EFFING NURSE SAID TO ME? " Well you need to feel SOMETHING or you won't be able to push. SOMETHING? Like maybe the sensation of having my insides RIPPED OUT, STEPPED ON AND SET ON FIRE? DOES THAT COUNT? So, they didn't believe me. Then a miracle happened. I realized that there was no one to help me and I was going to have to do this myself. I reached down deep and found a type of peace that is hard to describe and I focused on breathing away the pain. I squeezed my eyes shut and didn't open them for several hours. I took control. I shhhhhed doctors, nurses and my husband. I asked them to stop talking and joking. I was in charge of this show now.

As things progressed, I knew I was getting close and the only way I felt better was to push. They told me not to push. So, I lay there, very, very quietly and pushed enough to balance the incredible pressure and I must have looked like I was pooping. Maybe I was. I didn't care.

When I was getting ready to push, I finally opened my eyes and saw Good Friend Mindy directly in front of me across the room. With a camera My legs were not closed. I said some very unkind things that I had to apologize for later. Sorry Minds.

When the time came to push her out, I went with all my might. I was in so much pain I looked at my 90 lb. midwife and said JUST FUCKING GET IT OUT. She threatened me with an episiotomy and I shut up.

Finally, Finally, she was halfway out. And she was warm. And she was healthy. And she was apparently being choked by the tiny midwife who was wrestling her butt out of me and it was very, very weird. They had to wait for the placenta to detach because she had a very short cord. When I saw her, the cutest baby I had ever seen, I noticed her birthmark on her forehead and immediately wondered if it would get raised and hairy and omg the kids on the playground are going to tease her and can you please get me the name of a good plastic surgeon? Ahem. Does she have ten toes?

And there she was. This daughter, this sister, this girl. The one who completes us. Whom we love beyond all reason.

Happy Birthday My Roob, For you are the reason I myself, was born.


Blogger mama m said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! It's been way too long. I hope you have all been well and happy. Can't believe our #2s are a year this week!

9:57 PM  
Blogger Miss Ann Thrope said...

What a fantastic story. And isn't she beautiful......

3:57 AM  
Blogger Her Grace said...

They really are so worth it all, aren't they. She's gorgeous. I had a half-epidural two when my second was born, and my nurse said, "Well, then you should only be feeling half the pain."

She's lucky I was attached to all those monitors.

6:11 AM  
Blogger Kian said...

Happy Birthday Ruby!

My son has a birthmark on his forehead and every single person who ever saw it said "Oh my kid had that and now it's totally gone and had disappeared by the time he was 1/4/6..." And he's 2 1/2 and it's as evident as ever. But it's HIM so I can't imagine him not having it.

11:36 AM  
Anonymous Andy said...

Awww, Happy Birthday beautiful girl!

8:21 AM  
Blogger Dawn B said...

OHMYGOSH Happy First Birthday Ruby!

8:17 PM  
Blogger the new girl said...

Oh, I loved the story and that last picture?


5:24 PM  

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