Thursday, September 20, 2007

mama never told me there'd be days like this

Today started off wonderfully with a leisurely morning filled with getting a few extra Zzzzs and long phone chats with friends. After a long night with a very grumpy baby, it felt well deserved. Things continued to be very pleasant as we headed to Barb's office to figure out the boob situation. Goldie loves to visit Barb because she is The Bringer of Forbidden Frozen Treats and handed over a blue Popsicle first thing and made a friend for life. I had Roob's ears checked by a doc just in case her fussiness was due to an infection, but no, my baby continues to be a riddle wrapped in a rhyme and refuses to have her moods de-coded.

I prepared to leave the office with Roob tucked in the sling, bag in one hand, Goldie holding the other. We were headed home! And then we reached the lobby of the fairly large medical office where G somehow shook free of my grasp and she was gone. First she ran behind the desks of the people who check patients in and when I dragged her out she flopped on the floor like a fish and actually pounded her tiny fists and giant feet into the floor. Awww Hells naw. I tried to drag her off the ground while gritting my teeth and yelling at her softly under my breath, but she knew the score. I couldn't go ballistic as long as we were in public. She made like toddler velcro and was not going anywhere. At the precise moment that she was having her Grand Mal Tantrum, the exceptionally kind doc who had just seen us walked by and gave me the hi sign. Oh. My. Hell. She brought shame on the house of Wage-Stein and the Maximum Freakout continued as I finally got her to her feet and she took off to the pharmacy where she screamed like her life depended on it. From there she ran down a ramp to a patient area where she streaked past the elderly people in wheelchairs and into the doctor/patient area. By some stroke of luck I finally caught my demon spawn who flopped like a fish in my arms. Mind you I still had the baby in the sling and all our crap and now a toddler sized slinky trying her damnedest to escape my grasp as I got her onto my hip.

When we got to the parking lot, I thought I had it made as I maneuvered the keys out of my pocket. I almost made it. almost. In one final push to assert her freedom, Goldie got her legs under her and started to climb me like a tree. Even this would have been ok had she not found her leverage at the waist of my jeans. Yes, folks, indeed I was pantsed in the parking lot of the doctors office.

I am choosing to believe that all of the people who were in the parking lot were there to be treated for cataracts or glaucoma.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

That is all I got, I'm just LMAO.
Oh wait,.... sorry the girl kicked your ass today :)
Why won't blogger let me sign in anymore? I hate being anonymous)

4:47 AM  
Blogger MomSmoo said...

Oh.... My.... GAWD!!!!! Laughing too much to write any more.

5:50 AM  
Blogger Sabrina said...

Did anyone tell you "you have your handsful!" lol! Seems like when all hell is breakin loose that's when the morons nearby have to stare stupidly and mention that! Sounds like fun! lol

8:44 AM  
Blogger melodyann said...

Oh, please let me come live with you. I can cook! I can clean! I can make shadow animals with my fingers!

Ok, I lied. I can't/won't (they're both the same to me) clean, and I can't even make bunny ears with my fingers.

BUT, I am sweet and adorable and cute and funny and I make a MEAN lasagna.

So, can I come? Huh? Can I?

2:20 PM  
Blogger Lesley said...

LMAO! That's freaking hilarious! Thing Two did that to me while carrying a tray of Starbucks to the van...not as entertaining as your adventures in mooning!
Have a great weekend!

7:05 PM  
Blogger the new girl said...

You got pantsed AND spanked.

This is a funny-ass post. Found you from Deb and I'll be back!

12:20 PM  

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