Mama Lost Her Cool

Tonight, I totally lost my cool. I think it was because my house was so full of The Hot. I had a very frustrating day of not getting done what needed to get done and the 95 degree weather in my very not air conditioned surroundings sort of baked my brains. I picked up Goldie from the babysitter's who does not speak english and her little 10 year old was waiting for me. Uh. oh. She said "My mom wants me to tell you that Goldie went down for a nap with my baby sister and she pooped in her pants, then she took the poop out of her pants and put in on my sister's head and rubbed it in." What. The. Fuck. Awesome. My afternoon went downhill from there.

I am really not very good at being mad. That is why people like me. Chances are I will never hate them. It simply takes too much energy to be pissed off and I am very lazy. unfortunately anger left unresolved tends to creep out in different ways and so David is trying to teach me that it is ok to get pissed. The first time I got mad and let it out was over leaving my phone somewhere and expecting an important call. I stomped my feet and I squeeled in anger. David looked amused. Tonight when he saw me losing it he suggested that I get in the car and get the hell out of the house for awhile.

Best. Idea. Ever. I took a drive and Mary Chapin Carpenter soothed away the rawness. I realized I had not even got my messages off the phone today in all the chaos. I dialed in and there was the voice of a friend and her voice was so full of love and she told me that we should get together this week and I could just feel the warmth coming from her. I calmed down and thought about all of the great things that had happened in the last week. My two oldest friends invited me over for dinner and wine and we had so much fun laughing and telling stories. Four other friends invited us to the park and it made me wonder if there are any other two year olds who can get five adults to go swing with them. Then there was my new friend who had us over for a lovely meal and let Goldie get wild outside and held Roob while she was screaming so I could have a moment of peace. And then there were impromptu dinner gatherings and folks who let us nap at their house during construction and disrupt their day.

I ended up grocery shopping tonight on my little outing. After thinking about all of the people that bless my life I really started to miss my girls. I actually like taking them grocery shopping. It is our special time where Goldie chants "Ham! Ham!" until I go to the deli where everyone knows her name and gives her samples. She "helps" me shop and I tell her the names of all the foods and let her put it in the basket while Roob sleeps quietly in the sling on my chest. I got home and Davey had got them both to sleep, bless his heart. I peeked in and saw my little girls, angels while they sleep.

It was a good day after all.