Google Files

It's time for the next monthly installment of How People Got Here. Gets weirder every day. Here goes:

• grunting red face poop mommy- Whaaa?
  peed her pants fear-Yes indeed, I can think of nothing more fear inspiring.
• Letter to my lover making love-Maybe you would have time to do just that if you didn't use so many Goddamn words. And also if you made sense.
  
• hooters as a weapon-Lets just say you don't want me to turn quickly while you are in my radius.
  
• breastfeeding stinging boobs-my life ad nauseum
  
• infant ear infection laryngitis-Of all of the disease combinations I can think of, this one would be the best in my opinion.
  
• Letter of hopes and dreams for my baby-to be followed by the letter of tears and despair approximately 2.2 years later.
  
• Doctor visit embarrassing-"embarrassing"? Does that really even begin to scratch the surface of the humiliation I face each time somebody around here gets a sniffle.
  
• love letters about being pregnant- Fuck you. Are you kidding me?
  
• Some lady peed her pants- I'm sorry, can you be more specific? I mean, if I am the lady you are looking for I won't be surprised. I mean, having babies, um, changes, um, things. I don't want to talk about it.
  
• King sheet too big for bed-Try a queen, Einstein.
  
• Sharp stabbing pain in cervix-Two things I know about this: 1. It is really real. and 2. There is not one Goddamn thing you can do about it. So glad not to be the only one who experienced this. My midwife looked at me like I was a crazy person when I asked about it. I swear that people were ready to commit me when I would drop to the floor screaming in the middle of a sentence when the little creep punched me down there.
  

And Two That Defy My Ability to Think of Comments:

• Pull ups pics+teenage pics
  
• Pooping my panties cousin party
  

I mean, really, who are you crazy a-holes