Somebody stop me or I'll actually post this

Hi. So. Well. Hi. While the holiday was indeed lovely and I definitely love spending time with my family, the lack of contact with my friends is making me insecure and crazy. My phone and email haven't been this quiet, like, ever. I am left to ponder when it is appropriate to resume contact with people. I keep picking up the phone, only to put it down again wondering if it is too soon and maybe people are still with family or maybe they just started back to work today and I don't want to interrupt them or maybe they stayed with the in-laws and are having post-vacation sex and I certainly don't want to disturb that. Sigh. I swear that sometimes making phone calls is just way too stressful. Love talking on the phone, hate the dialing. I always feel like I am bothering people, even my close friends. Yeah, yeah, I'm weird.

I need your help. Companionship with someone that doesn't bear a resemblance to me is needed. When should I start the email and phone campaign to kick off Operation Lonely Lady?

So, like, you know, call me and invite me out for some coffee. Or wine. Or don't. That's cool too. Maybe you're busy. Or maybe I'm just imagining that you are busy. Do you still like me? Oh my God, did this post originally come from a note I passed during 3rd period in 8th grade or what?

Also? Call me.