The Bathroom Incident
I have returned to give you a glimpse into the indignities that raising a toddler often involves. I am finding that the solitude of the long holiday weekend in addition to my idiotic plan to be part of the daily posting club for November has turned me into a rather prolific writer.
We were on the road Saturday and Goldie started shouting that she had to go potty and because I chose rock instead of scissors, off I went into the busy truck stop bathroom. It smelled. Horribly. But, Goldie insisted that she had to go so I waited in line and tried to keep her from peeking and crawling under the stalls. I could not, unfortunately keep her from sticking her eyeballs against the cracks in the stalls and saying "Hi!" to each lady as she was doing her thing. It is important to note that the line was stretched in front of the stalls.
Finally, we were up to bat. Goldie informed all 20 or so ladies that it was OUR TURN! and in we went. I closed my nose and told her not to touch anything. She proceeded to fish a tampon applicator out of the receptacle right as my gag reflex went into overdrive. Finally she was finished and I decided to take the opportunity to go myself as I had seriously overdone the coffee. As I sat down, she started saying loud enough for the entire room to hear"Mama go poop? Poopies Mama?" I shrunk. Oh my God. Ok ok, response, hmmm."um, honey, nope, MAMA IS NOT POOPING. DEFINITELY NO POOPING HAPPENING IN HERE." I thought that the incident was over, but instead she did the unthinkable. She opened the Goddamn stall. In front of many, many women. My pants were down. I was mid stream. I made tragic deer in the headlights eye contact with some unsuspecting woman. So I did the only thing I could. I died. Right there in Umatilla, Oregon.
Well, almost. Actually I managed some type of humiliating maneuver that involved, grabbing her by the arm and shoving her between my legs to use as a shield as I pulled up my pants. There was no wiping and therefore, there was much itching for the remaining 4 hours of our drive.
And that should serve as your reminder to take your pill today.
We were on the road Saturday and Goldie started shouting that she had to go potty and because I chose rock instead of scissors, off I went into the busy truck stop bathroom. It smelled. Horribly. But, Goldie insisted that she had to go so I waited in line and tried to keep her from peeking and crawling under the stalls. I could not, unfortunately keep her from sticking her eyeballs against the cracks in the stalls and saying "Hi!" to each lady as she was doing her thing. It is important to note that the line was stretched in front of the stalls.
Finally, we were up to bat. Goldie informed all 20 or so ladies that it was OUR TURN! and in we went. I closed my nose and told her not to touch anything. She proceeded to fish a tampon applicator out of the receptacle right as my gag reflex went into overdrive. Finally she was finished and I decided to take the opportunity to go myself as I had seriously overdone the coffee. As I sat down, she started saying loud enough for the entire room to hear"Mama go poop? Poopies Mama?" I shrunk. Oh my God. Ok ok, response, hmmm."um, honey, nope, MAMA IS NOT POOPING. DEFINITELY NO POOPING HAPPENING IN HERE." I thought that the incident was over, but instead she did the unthinkable. She opened the Goddamn stall. In front of many, many women. My pants were down. I was mid stream. I made tragic deer in the headlights eye contact with some unsuspecting woman. So I did the only thing I could. I died. Right there in Umatilla, Oregon.
Well, almost. Actually I managed some type of humiliating maneuver that involved, grabbing her by the arm and shoving her between my legs to use as a shield as I pulled up my pants. There was no wiping and therefore, there was much itching for the remaining 4 hours of our drive.
And that should serve as your reminder to take your pill today.
posted by Kirsten at
7:22 PM
5 Comments:
oh seriously, there is nothing more vile than a truck stop bathroom. and taking a toddler in there? eww.
i was so grateful i had three boys (until the princessa arrived). first, daddy had to do it. second, at least there was no SITTING DOWN!!!!!
Dude.
I laughed out loud at the deer in the headlights.
funny
LMAO, I too have the luxury of a boy so I don't have to worry about the sitting down, But we have had to discuss the merits of lifting the toilet seat up in a dirty bathroom. As in--don't do it.
Oh-ho! Boys fish tampons out of that icky receptacle too. It may have happened with mine, but I'm not telling.
oh, I'm choking I'm laughing so hard. thank you....
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