The Doctor Visit
Leave it to us to have to go to the doctor even when no one is puking. Yes, today was d-day for the well baby check-ups. Being the efficient person who is also sometimes overly optimistic and insane, I scheduled back-to-back appointments for the girls with at least one of them getting shots.
?Como se dice... screwed? I had thought originally that David would be able to come, but he had meetings. Then Mom was going to come, but she got put on a grand jury. Then Saint Tanya was kind enough to offer, but in the end I was all like, dude, these are my kids, stop being such a pussy and get in there and do your job already!
If raising my children is my job, I should really be fired. There were tantrums, there was crying, howling, throwing, begging and pulling. And that was just me. You don't even want to know what the girls did. It was gruesome.
The child who has been saying sentences like "Mama where is my sissy so I can try and smother her with my exuberant love?" reduced her verbal abilities to things like "NOOOOOOOOOOO" and "Miiiiiine" and quite possibly "Fuck off" but I am not sure if that was her or me. I could see the look on her face was like "I'm not your monkey and there is no fucking way I am going to cooperate, next time pony up the candy for breakfast and we'll talk."
I ended up looking like the worst parent with the most out of control children, plus the bonus? I totally forgot to brush my teeth. I realized this while in the starbucks drive-thru where I cleverly ordered some cinnamints and then promptly forgot about them when it was time to go into the exam room where I am sure the doc was trying to not to get too close to Breathzilla, Bringer of Bratty Children. I sort of talked down to my boobalahs and so I am certain I came off like a serial killer.
Does this job get any easier? Wait. Don't answer that.
?Como se dice... screwed? I had thought originally that David would be able to come, but he had meetings. Then Mom was going to come, but she got put on a grand jury. Then Saint Tanya was kind enough to offer, but in the end I was all like, dude, these are my kids, stop being such a pussy and get in there and do your job already!
If raising my children is my job, I should really be fired. There were tantrums, there was crying, howling, throwing, begging and pulling. And that was just me. You don't even want to know what the girls did. It was gruesome.
The child who has been saying sentences like "Mama where is my sissy so I can try and smother her with my exuberant love?" reduced her verbal abilities to things like "NOOOOOOOOOOO" and "Miiiiiine" and quite possibly "Fuck off" but I am not sure if that was her or me. I could see the look on her face was like "I'm not your monkey and there is no fucking way I am going to cooperate, next time pony up the candy for breakfast and we'll talk."
I ended up looking like the worst parent with the most out of control children, plus the bonus? I totally forgot to brush my teeth. I realized this while in the starbucks drive-thru where I cleverly ordered some cinnamints and then promptly forgot about them when it was time to go into the exam room where I am sure the doc was trying to not to get too close to Breathzilla, Bringer of Bratty Children. I sort of talked down to my boobalahs and so I am certain I came off like a serial killer.
Does this job get any easier? Wait. Don't answer that.
posted by Kirsten at
6:32 PM
6 Comments:
Yes, easier. I've found that simultaneously pretending I know exactly what's up and saying "Please," "Thank you," and a well-placed "I'm sorry" frequently does wonders. You're far more awesome than you realize. Truly!
Oh wow -- you are brave. I hate the pedi's office when it is just one child and me! We have had one back to back appt and that was when R was 2 months old -- a blob -- and B was there for reinforcements!
I've optimistically tried the back to back appointments by myself. Didn't work for me either. There was widespread crying and flipping out, raisins got thrown everywhere and I forgot the diapers in the car. Very unpleasant and embarrassing.
You'll be happy to know that it will get easier. I actually did 3 appointments last month with my crew of 4, and 2 got shots btw!
Some words of Wisdom: Lollipops make great bribes. Always carry them in your purse.
I hate going to the pediatrician's office b/c it's like a petri dish! every time we go in for an ear infection, we come out with bronchitis or the flu or strep!!
that's why i just call my dad. (gotta love having a doctor in the family!!)
I can totally relate to this, both my boys had broken arms at the same time and do you think they'd schedule us in at the same time? Hell no! I now have a "Mommy Purse" filled with all sorts of bribes for my boys and a "Going out w/o my kiddies Purse" which obviously is very small in comparison!
***If it makes you feel any better, I forgot to brush my teeth after my garlicy bagel before taking the boys to the dentist once. And of course this is the day the dentist does a pretend checkup on Mommy to show them how easy it is. I could have freaking died of embarrassment when he said "you know I myself love garlic, too bad it's such a strong odor"***
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