Friday, July 27, 2007

Open Letters

Dear Overly Cheerful Starbucks Drive-Thru Guy,

I was hoping you would get the hint before, but apparently I need to spell it out for you. GET OUT OF MY FACE WHILE I AM WAITING FOR MY COFFEE. One of the reasons I go to the drive-thru is to achieve as anonymous a coffee retrieval process as possible. It is early in the morning. Generally one or both of my children are crying. Maybe I have managed to gather a quiet 32 seconds to listen to the radio or hear myself think.

Please stop making awkward conversation. Just take my money, hand me the coffee and let me get the hell out of there. I don't like you.

Thanks,
The lady with two screaming children who won't make eye contact with you.


To the people driving on I-205 between Sunnyside Rd. and Milwakee last Tuesday,

I deeply apologize for the dance/karaoke party that was happening in my van. It was The Captain and Tennille. What was I supposed to do?

Sorry


Goldie,

If you shove all of my precious Cottonelle butt wipes down the toilet again (for the 3rd time) You may not survive until kindergarten. Because I will kill you. Let me tell you why this is so important:

1. Those fuckers are expensive.
2. I aim to have the cleanest crack in town and now I have to wait until you stop tantruming long enough to get to the store.
3. I had to reach my hand in the toilet to retrieve them after I am certain you peed in there. (See: Gross)

Loves,
Mama

12 Comments:

Blogger Constanze said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

9:12 AM  
Blogger Constanze said...

i definitely love your blog. i just stumbled on it while i was surfing the internet this morning. thank you for sharing it with everyone :-)
Constanze

9:14 AM  
Blogger Mixed Up Me said...

Thank you for brightening my morning! I too have problems with the Starbucks Drive thru people . . .I believe the Starbucks drive thru is the greatest invention as it has allowed me to get coffee without brushing my hair, or getting out of my pajamas, but I swear, one more day of friendly meaningless conversation and Iam going to lose my mind!!!

Have a fantastic day! Here's to Goldie reaching Kindergarten . . .

9:49 AM  
Blogger Colleen said...

hehehe

Zoe has emptied the butt wipes onto the bathroom floor on more than one occasion. (I'm glad we're not the only ones using the term "butt wipes".)

11:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

gasping for breath.... funny!

sarah

2:36 PM  
Blogger Cece said...

I love an honest woman!

2:38 PM  
Blogger tiggerprr said...

LOL! So funny! :) Thanks for Lurking, and mostly thanks for "delurking" :)

2:41 PM  
Blogger Tug said...

Thanks for stopping by today, I am SO glad you did - I've been camped out here for awhile reading...LOVING.IT. I'll definitely be back!

Oh, & the SB drivethru? I once asked my boyfriend (ex) if he wanted to do the chick serving the coffee - he was as into the meaningless convo as she was. and I hadn't had my coffee.

5:03 PM  
Blogger Dan said...

To the people driving on I-205 between Sunnyside Rd. and Milwakee last Tuesday

It's a damned good thing you weren't on I-205 Friday afternoon when I was trying to get to the airport from Portland and it took me TWO HOURS!!

Thanks for visiting my blog!

8:13 PM  
Blogger Drea said...

Ow cool! I own one of AmyMays Mei Tais 2. If you look up my babywearing post (scroll down on my blog and click the link under the photo of me wearing Taite on my back in a Moby D) you'll see photos of mine. She is so sweet and her MT are wonderful for summer. I used mine today actually.

10:19 AM  
Blogger blairthebarbie said...

Hey! It's Blair! Just wanted to show you that I definitely read your blog, because you are hilarious. :D

10:46 AM  
Blogger CS said...

Ditto for overly friendly Walgreen's employess and overly friendly - oh, you name it, I basically want to be left alone.

8:13 PM  

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