Sunday, July 12, 2009


Contrary to popular opinion, I have not fallen off the edge of this giant flat earth. Rather, the job of trying to keep us all alive and reasonably clean and healthy is taking up more energy than I have to give. I am going to give credit to this sudden increase in difficulty to the The Whining because, Mother Fuck, The Whining is threatening to kill us all. Slowly. There is also the fact that Ruby has Escaped From Crib Mountain one year ahead of schedule and also? The Whining.

This weekend I took the girls to a resort with my mom for a relaxing vacation. However, we underestimated the power of The Whining and so are making the best of the situation while trying not to Murder The Children WHO WILL NOT STOP WHINING. You see, they live miserable lives. All of the swimming, ice cream, playgrounds, arts and crafts, walks and chips are apparently SHEER TORTURE to children who have been cruelly denied their favorite activity of CONSTANT SCREAMING.

Mom and I are currently performing furious Craigslist searches looking for hot pokers to stick in our eyes. It really would be more humane.


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