Ants and Brats.

I know that spring has sprung because of the somewhat expected and subsequently dreaded arrival of The Mother Effing Sugar Ant Brigade. They are providing an endless source of excitement for my children who are still young enough to think that this is "exciting" rather than "revolting," which is alright but by my calculations, their lack of disgust raises the probability of someone shouting "Hey Random Stranger! My Mom's desk is so covered with ants it looks like its moving!" exponentially.

I ran into the store to get some ant removal products (we love Terro for this) and thought I would try out Better Parenting Through Guilt Technique #1: Buy Your Ungrateful Kids Shit They Don't Need. I saw some tiny Dora sunglasses and was all Why Not? The girls squealed appropriately and then I cut them out of the packages and handed them over. After 3 seconds Goldie made her first mistake when she said with all the fake sweetness at 3.5 year old can muster "What ELSE did you buy me, Mama?" I resisted replying "a ticket to live one more day" and tried to explain how she had hurt my feelings and greatly reduced the chances of buying her toys on impulse ever again. That tactic having been exhausted, the negotiations began regarding where she may take the new sunglasses. Not pleased with the inclusion of sunglasses to the chronically unpopular Nothing But a Spare Change of Undies and an Otherwise Empty Backpack at Preschool rule, the rest of the ride home really sucked.

We are now back to the regularly scheduled: my kids are much nicer to be around when left to play with empty boxes, toilet paper tubes and wrapping paper plan. Lesson learned