Monday, November 05, 2007

My Hippie Alter Ego

Because I am obsessed with BBC America, I watch the show You Are What You Eat every afternoon. Basically this horrible woman is like the Judge Judy of nutritionists. She makes you poop in a tupperware for her examination and then she tells you off. Just my type of show.

She does make some good points and has some interesting looking recipes. Unfortunately, the recipes include some weird ingredients and so I went off to the local natural foods co-op in search of things like Mung Beans and Wheat Free Veggie Boullion Cubes and Cider Vinegar with Mother. Holy crap I am getting crunchy in my old age.

The food co-op is a totally different kind of store. I totally always feel like a freak there, but since I wear my baby on my back, it is an automatic ticket into the club. One major difference is the width of the aisle, something that folks without kids are blissfully unaware of the importance of. Goldie was in a mood and started yanking stuff off of the shelves. In the natural food store you have to quietly suggest to your child to put things back and not touch, wheras in the Big Discount Grocery you can loudly make threats of the I'm Gonna Beat Yer Ass, Junior type. I quietly told her to knock it the hell off after she spilled my bag of Aduzki beans on the floor and I had to find a broom, but when she glared at me defiantly with a glass bottle of tincture of spirulina and hippie sweat and proceeded to drop it on the floor it took every fiber of my being not to slap her little hands. Because I am a monster. And also The Man.

Will let you know if the recipes turn out. Wouldn't it be cool to speak like English people do? I mean, I want to have loads of things and describe my food as lovely or nice and when my kids are being bratty, I would love to sort them out.


Blogger katydidnot said...

yeah, quite right, sort the little buggers out.

11:23 PM  
Blogger melodyann said...

Yeah... here in WV we just beat the shit outta them...

3:29 AM  
Blogger mommy~dearest said...

Sorry...still getting over "pooping in tupperware".

5:43 AM  
Blogger MomSmoo said...

I am getting crunchy in my old age too, but I agree -- pooping in tupperware?? Please explain further...

7:14 AM  
Blogger Lesley said...

Poop in Tupperware - get out?!?

What exactly is she looking for? Contents - like corn, Texture - like corny or Smell - like shit???


12:53 PM  
Blogger Kirsten said...

Corny?! OMFG, you are killing me! So, she looks at the poop to find undigested food (Corny!)check the smell. She thinks she can identify what ails you by looking at your poop. Also, she can berate and insult you based on what you produce. IE: "That was the MOST HORRID poo I have ever seen. It was like a splat!It reeked! How can you live with yourself!"

1:15 PM  

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