Thursday, November 29, 2007

By Popular Demand

While getting Ruby ready for her bath tonight, I got a call from my buddy Anthony. He told me that I am a rat bastard for not keeping in touch, a conversation we have several times a year, after which we start having coffee once a week for two months and then don't speak for three. I told him I was getting ready to write my daily blog entry and that I didn't have anything to say and he suggested that I talk about how I have replaced some of my friends with my children and that said friends are pissed off about it. I told him that would not make for very interesting reading and to try another idea on. That is when he had a flash of brilliance and told me it was time for another installment of How the Crazy Internet People Found This Blog.

As always there were many searches for Giant Hooters, Love Letters to My Husband, Manary Glands and my favorite: 38 Weeks Pregnant with Stabbing Vagina Pain . I seriously want to find each of those ladies that search for that and buy them a Reeses Peanut Cup Blizzard or something, because oh my hell I tear up just thinking about that.

  • Delivery Room Poop Stories- Oh my God. This was one of my biggest fears. Then it was realized. Thank you so much for reminding me.
  • Stretch my Polyester Shirt-If I am correct, most shirts that come in the polyester variety can be found in large enough sizes so that the stretching becomes unnecessary.
  • Why am I not pooping-Dude. I don't know. Two words: Eat Beans.
  • Sore Throat Vinegar Pepper-So I'm not the only one! That is some good stuff! I even bowed to the crunchy earth goddess within and bought the stuff with vinegar mother in it. Non hippies, I know your eyes just glazed over, but whatevs, I totally think I am living in 1977.
  • Fat Ass Green Milk Dog- Where would I even begin?
  • Roob my Boob- Isn't it a great rhyme?! We try different versions like, Roobie Doobie wants a Boobie.
  • Girl wets pants on date-Perhaps you won't be asking her out again?
  • Water Polo Swimsuits Oops-I actually have a story about this where I should have worn two suits at the state championship and some large girl managed to tear that sumabitch and my boob? Fell out of my suit.
  • Pain Inpatient Experiences Blog-Ha ha, now this is a great Inpatient Experience for your Blog. There was this one time, I was in the hospital, begging someone to make the pain stop because there were PEOPLE COMING OUT OF MY VAGINA and they were all ha ha, sometimes the epidural doesn't always take on both sides, and then I hung myself with a hospital gown.
  • Delivery Room Pics- Are you serious? All I remember is finally opening my eyes after several hours of soul shaking, vagina crushing pain and seeing kindhearted, good friend Mindy through my knees and calling her a cocksucker. The end.
  • Love to Watch Girls Pee in Their Pants-Its all fun and games until you realize that the cleanup is up to you.
  • 37 weeks pregnant Head so Low Problems Pooping- Is there anything that you don't have problems with at 37 weeks along?

5 Comments:

Blogger Elle said...

Hi! I'm one of those "crazy internet people who found your blog" by accident. I was searching the internet for tips on potty training a couple weeks ago and your blog came up as one of the search results. I read one of your postings and have been hooked every since. I kept reading and reading. I was crying tears because I was laughing so hard at some of your postings. One of my favorites is the picture for your baby with purple all over her mouth/face. Soooo cute!!! I also love the recent posting you did on the public bathroom scene with your daughter. Anyway, you are quite funny and what I love best is your no-holds bar honest commentary. I also blog but I don't have the courage to write what I really feel sometimes because I worry I'll offend some of my readers - family members in particular (in-laws). Anyway, you seem like a wonderful mother, wife and friend and they are all lucky to have you in their lives.

9:34 PM  
Blogger mommy~dearest said...

Fat Ass Green Milk Dog? Ooookay then!

I don't remember how I found your blog, but I do remember that the "purple faced baby" pic was the first post I read, and I about peed my pants. Still my absolute favorite.

6:27 AM  
Anonymous sltbee69 said...

I don't remember how I found your blog either - probably by following a link on someone else's blog. Anyhow, let's just say that I love, love, love reading it. The way you write about your life is so darn funny. Seriously. I can picture in my head what a real conversation with you would be like. Keep up the great work!

9:15 AM  
Blogger melodyann said...

I found your blog by searching for "purple-faced-baby-pics"

It was love at first sight....

6:17 PM  
Blogger melodyann said...

Ps. I lied...

But not about the love at first sight thing.

6:18 PM  

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