Friday, September 07, 2007

A day in the life

I must say that guest blogging was one of the more pleasant things I have done this week, considering all of the unpleasant things I have been confronted with. Today, we will cover just one brief interlude of the Yuck Factor that seems to permeate my life these days.

Because of the kitchen remodel, and the working-type people who populate my house on most days I have been exiled several days this week. Do you know what it is like to not be able to go home when you have run every errand you ever had to do in your whole life and even your toddler is all like "Mom....hellloooo. Aren't you the grown-up type person who is supposed to make sure I get a nap. Take me the hell home already."

So on day two of this I got both Pack and Plays (portable cribs for those not in the know and yes I lug two of them around with me at all times. Shut your trap.) and headed to my moms house where she said I could hang out as long as we don't touch anything.

We get there and I somehow embrace the struggle that is my life and got them both upstairs and set up and kids lunched and changed and nursed and sippys and asleep. Or so I thought. Goldie started screaming like someone was murdering her. She peed through pull-up and clothes. What in the hell did you drink, child? Ok, no problem, changed. Great. Screaming from other room. Roob. The child who poops like once a month? Pooped. Everywhere. Grab diaper bag. No effing wipes. Super. Paper towels! Cleaned up, back to bed. Silence. Howling. GOLDIE! For Chrissake. Pooped. Still no wipes. Holy God. More paper towels, except she knows whats up and she all "whats up with this shit mom?" Shut up kid. Oh. Out of pull ups. CRAP. Ok, ok, am Mom. Can handle crisis. No problem. Ruby has one diaper left. Will put inside her shorts like a pad. Am genius. Goldie a bit confused, but no worry. "Sissy! Diaper!?"Can work out in therapy later. Back to bed, silence.

I actually get a few hours of work in before they wake up. Roob! You simply cannot have crapped your drawers again. That would be ridiculous. She is very very ridiculous. Out of diapers. Fuck. don't panic. Will get out of here and head home. I am the only family member who isn't going Commando on the way home. "please, just no one pee!"Fold up cribs, schlep downstairs to car. Carseats, nurse, toys, books, bags, shitty diapers bagged up with paper towel, cats inside, door locked. I haven't sweat like this.....well.....ever.

Get home. What's for dinner? Are you fucking out of your effing mind? Pizza. Pizza is for dinner. Do not complain. I do not want to hear how hard your day was. You do not want a piece of this.

Kids fed, nursed, bathed, changed, read to, in bed with Davey's help, of course.Work a couple more hours on paid job. Die.

This could not possibly be my life. Someone is totally going to daycare today.


Blogger LIBSMOM said...

Truthfully, I am bowing to your supreme motherness because you are nursing BOTH of your kids, at the same time?!?!?!?!
Renovations suck. I hope the new kitchen is fabulous and yet, you never have to cook again.
You rock and I'm going to stalk your site from now on. May I add a link to your site from my wanna be you blog?

9:16 AM  
Blogger Her Grace said...

I'm all sweaty with frizzy hair just reading about it. Hope that kitchen gets done soon!

9:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh my goodness. At least your first half of the day was good, right? I hope so. Because if it wasn't, then it could be considered a fully disastrous day.

9:30 AM  
Anonymous a happier girl said...

Been there. We've done the wet paper towels. And we've run out of diapers before. You are brave letting the little one go commando. I think my husband made our kid sit in the dirty diaper for a few minutes while we rushed to the nearest convenience store and wildly overpaid for a 4 pack or something.

9:42 AM  
Blogger Dawn B said...

ohmygod pure insanity! you are a true superhero. No joke, yo.
Oh and I have to admit, I'm STILL laughing over the "sissy diaper!?" comment. LOL

11:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Man Alive! Enough with the "William Shatner-ing", baby girls!
Hang in there, Kirsten!

You really are all about the shizz, huh?!

I moved a sofa and recliner, that I am sure that was covered in Piss, from the church parking lot! Does it make you feel a little better?

1:07 PM  
Blogger Kian said...

Been there, done that, wore the evidence on my tee shirt. Yesterday Ian went to Wal-Mart with 2 maxi pads inside plastic pants because the very last diaper went to Connor.

He and Goldie can go to therapy together.

1:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

*insert head shake*

You are such a baby. What's the big deal. Its not like you spent all day at the office!

Kidding. Love you. Love the girls. Only another 17 years and your all done!


5:55 PM  
Blogger katydidnot said...

I hope your mom doesn't read this, after telling you not to touch anything. You'd be in big trouble. Yikes, and job well done, crisis handles, disaster averted!

9:50 AM  

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