Aftermath

Hopefully everyone made it through the 4th with all digits intact. I was handed a Roman Candle after clearly stating that the whole fireworks-in-the-yard freaks my shit out. Because I should totally be the president of MENSA I was all like "sure light me up" and then realized I had no idea what I was doing. Flames started shooting out of the thing that I had accidentally pointed at my friend. I desperately looked around for somewhere to point the thing and realized my options were few. I could aim either at:
a) my car
b) power lines
c)my friends
d)myself
All I can say is that my face was not rearranged and neither was my car and leave it at that.
Overall that day was a success. I layed around like 3rd base all morning and stuffed myself with wieners and bean salads because there is no better way to celebrate democracy than with nitrates and stinky gas. Later on I watched my kid go batshit insane in a wading pool because ADUCK! ADUCK! is a heapin' helpin' more AWESOME outside than in the tub at home