Want to hear about my nipples?

I didn't think so. Too bad. I'm going to tell you about them anyway. They hurt. A lot. Ruby has decided to grab them between her teeth and bony plate, suck like the Hoover she is and pull back as far as she can yank my poor hooters, which unfortunately, is very very far due to the saggy condition of my mammarys. Also? Blisters. And various and sundry abrasions of a scrapey nature. I think that is the medical term. Do you want to make out, because seriously? Nipple blisters are hott.

Ruby is teething what I have calculated must be a tooth the size of a Buick. I came to this conclusion by multiplying the hours of screaming x the hours of sleep I am not getting divided by the circles under my eyes and the square root of my last frazzled nerve.

We are T minus 5 days to Mexico and to say that I am freaking out would be the understatement of the year because this is not a trip where I can pack two hours before the plane leaves and forget important things because if I forget said important things we will not be going. To add to my frustration, they sent paper tickets for the plane. Are you kidding me? This is nineteen eighty what? Crap. One more thing to lose.

Cheer me up people, I am freaking out.