To my homeskillet Blair

We are going to a graduation party tonight for one of my favorite people. Blair is an awesome chick who has a bright future in front of her. It makes me think about when I graduated and how it seems like it couldn't have been 11 years ago. I wish I could have told the 17 year old me a few things about life:

1. You aren't as fat as you think you are. You will become as fat as you think you are in about 9 years. Enjoy the time you have left and wear cute panties while you can. Many Hanes products are in your future.
2. You aren't as desperate as you think you are. You don't have to put up with the assholes who are going to come into your life. You would be better off alone. Except for Cesar, and that one guy in Mexico. oooooh, maybe two guys in Mexico. Ohhhh and that one right after college. And...oh. Anyways, you will meet your mate in about 8 years. Trust me. You won't die alone.
3. You have good judgement. You aren't as dumb as you have been led to believe. You actually make some pretty sweet choices.
4. Enjoy the ride. Don't worry so much. Everything is going to be A-ok.

And I still dress like an 18 year old. Thats me and my bff Blair. Congratulations girlfriend. You are going to be ok.